Tears....

This past weekend was a little hard for me. Tomorrow we will be on our way to Charlotte for my Kallies heart surgery.. I would have to keep my self busy to keep from thinking about it. Justin mentioned to me Friday i think it was, "Why is the house so clean all the time?" I just laughed at him... The truth is that i have to clean to keep my mind off of everything. I am just that person that worry to much and i need to stop.. I know everything will be ok but its just that inital shock that its heart surgery and its on my baby. Everything is in the Lords hands and she has alot of people praying for her. Saturday night i spent the night with my mom and the tears came from then on. I had nothing to do to keep my mind off of it.

Sunday morning i was sitting on the bed with my mom and kallie and me and mom just started to talk and then came more tears..Its the fact that i wont be able to hold her when i want, feed her, and play with her. I know this is the best for her so she can get better but it is so hard for me. I am so thankful that my parents are coming up with me for the first week. Also Justins mom will be there Wednesday night and Thursday. I thank the Lord every day for both of them.

Later Sunday afternoon I went with my mom to visit my grandma so she could see Kallie before her surgery. My Aunt Wanda , Ashley and her little girl came also to she her.. And they gave the best gift every. My aunts church took up a love offering for Kallie to help us with gas and hotel stay while we are up there. With this said came a lot more tears. Its things like that, that let me know that it's in God's hands and my little girl will ok.

I am going to talk about a really hard subject for me . My Uncle past away this January. I miss him more than words could explain. Some nights I just sit rocking Kallie in the middle of the night in her room and just talk to him. It makes me feel closer to him. They say when God gives us one the takes away one but I never in a million years thougth it would be my uncle

monkey. But now I know that Kallie has her a Gardian Angel watching over her to tell her (and me)that everything will be ok.

So will all this said I have stonger faith and love. But while sitting here and typing this more tears came. But I know its okay to cry and know alot more will come until she I out of surgery and ok.